Dietary restrictions at a wedding: how to ask, track, and hand off to your caterer

The short answer: ask once, record per guest, separate allergies from preferences

Ask on the RSVP, write one line per guest, keep allergies apart from preferences, and give the caterer counts by table.

Dietary answers go wrong for a boring reason: they arrive in different places. One guest texts you, another writes a note on the reply card, a third mentions it at a shower and you promise yourself you will remember. A week before the final count, you are scrolling through messages to rebuild a list that should have existed from the first reply.

The fix is three moments handled the same way every time. Ask: one question, worded the same for everyone. Record: one row per guest, with the type of need written down. Hand off: totals for the kitchen, names and seats for the allergies, sent on the date your caterer asks for them.

How to ask guests about dietary restrictions

Put an open line on the RSVP, right after the meal question, and ask it for each person by name.

An open line beats a row of checkboxes for one reason: guests describe their own situation better than your list can. “Vegetarian” and “vegan” fit in a box. “Allergic to cashews but fine with almonds” does not. If you want checkboxes for the common cases (vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free), keep them and add an open line underneath for everything else.

Copy-ready wording for a card or a form: “Any allergies or dietary needs we should tell the kitchen about? Please be as specific as you can.” Keep it short and keep it neutral. A guest with a serious allergy will answer a plain question more fully than a chatty one.

If you are collecting answers on a published wedding website in MyWedding Planner, the guest can choose a meal and also type a note in their own words about their diet, such as an allergy or vegetarian. Online replies on a published site are part of the one-time payment; during the free trial the site can be prepared but not published. For the exact words on a printed card, see our guide to RSVP wording.

Follow up with anyone who writes something vague. “No dairy” could mean an allergy, an intolerance, or a preference. A quick text (“Hi (first name), is the dairy question an allergy or a preference? Our caterer asks.”) saves the kitchen from guessing. The app does not message your guests, so that follow-up comes from you.

Allergy, intolerance, religious rule, or preference: why the caterer needs them separated

A caterer treats an allergy as a safety issue and a preference as a menu choice, so your sheet must show which is which.

Four types cover almost everything you will receive. An allergy can cause a serious reaction, so the kitchen needs to prevent contact with the ingredient, not just leave it off the plate. An intolerance is uncomfortable but usually not dangerous, and the guest can often tell you how strict they need to be. A religious or ethical rule (kosher, halal, vegan) is firm for the guest even if it is not medical. A preference is flexible: “I’d rather skip fish.”

In the United States, the FDA lists nine major food allergens: milk, eggs, fish, crustacean shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, wheat, soybeans, and sesame. Its food allergy page also describes reactions that can be severe and life-threatening, called anaphylaxis (FDA, Food Allergies). You do not need to memorize the list. It is a useful reminder that a guest’s note about nuts or shellfish deserves a second look and a conversation with your caterer.

Kids, plus-ones, and vendors: the guests people forget to ask

Ask about dietary needs for children, plus-ones, and every vendor who will be fed, because they are the rows most often missing from the sheet.

Children. A parent answers for a child, and they usually know the details better than anyone. Ask the parent to write the child’s name and the need. If you offer a kids’ plate, check with your caterer that it covers the allergy before you promise it. Our guide to the kids table covers age cutoffs and how to seat them.

Plus-ones. If you do not know a plus-one’s name yet, give them a row anyway and ask your guest to fill in the need. Guessing someone else’s allergy status is not an option.

Vendors. Photographers, DJs, and planners are often fed during the reception. Ask each one directly for meal needs, and count them on their own lines, apart from guests, so your totals stay clean.

You two. Add your own needs to the sheet. It is surprisingly easy to forget the couple, and the head table or sweetheart table gets its meals from the same kitchen.

One list: the dietary sheet

Keep one row per guest with six columns: guest, table, meal choice, type of need, details, and whether the caterer has confirmed.

The table below is the sheet we suggest. The “Type of need” column does the real work: it lets you sort allergies to the top and send them as a separate list. “Confirmed with caterer” is the column most couples skip, and it is the one that tells you the conversation actually happened.

Write the guest’s own words in “Details.” Do not rephrase a medical detail to make it tidier. If the guest wrote “severe peanut allergy, carries epinephrine,” that is what your caterer should read.

In the meals section of MyWedding Planner, you set up menus, record each guest’s meal choice, and keep their dietary needs and allergies with it. Answers from the online RSVP fill the guest list, the meals, and the seating chart, so you are not retyping them into a spreadsheet.

The caterer handoff: what to send, and when

Send your caterer the totals by meal, the totals by table, and a named list of every allergy with the guest’s table, on the date they set for the final count.

Most caterers set a cutoff for the final headcount, so line up your dietary list with that date. If you have not set it yet, our guide to the final headcount for your caterer walks through the timing. Ask your caterer what format they prefer before you build anything: some want a spreadsheet, some want a plain email, and some will have their own form.

• Totals by meal: how many of each entrée, plus kids’ meals and vendor meals on separate lines.
• Totals by table, so the servers know what each table needs.
• Allergy list: guest name, table, seat if you have it, and the guest’s exact words.
• Intolerances, religious rules, and preferences on a second list, marked as less urgent.
• A note for anything you have not confirmed with the guest yet.
• The date and the name of the person at the catering company who confirmed receipt.

In MyWedding Planner, the caterer view exports a CSV by guest or by table. That export is part of the one-time payment: during the free trial it is refused. The app sends nothing to your caterer, so you attach the file to your own email. Our guide to a seating chart with meals for your caterer shows what the sheet should contain.

On the day: marking allergy meals without singling anyone out

The safest approach is for the kitchen to work from the table list, so no guest has to announce an allergy or wear a marker.

Ask your caterer how the servers will identify allergy plates. Some kitchens plate those meals separately and carry them out by table and seat. Others use a coded ticket. Whichever method they use, give your day-of coordinator or a trusted helper the allergy list, so someone besides the caterer knows who needs what. If a guest has a serious allergy, a quiet word with the lead server before dinner is better than hoping the ticket gets read.

Resist the urge to put allergy symbols on place cards unless the guest has said they are fine with it. A small dot or a letter on a card can feel like a label. You can print place cards, table numbers, and a seating chart with a guest list by table from the app, and keep the allergy list on a separate sheet that stays with the coordinator.