How to make a wedding guest list, step by step

The short answer: number, households, rules, names

The calmest way to build a guest list is to decide how many people you can host, group everyone by household, write your rules for plus-ones and kids once, and then fill in names until you reach the number.

Most couples do it the other way around. They open a blank sheet, type every name that comes to mind, and end up with a list far larger than any venue they can afford, plus a long argument about who gets cut. Starting from the number turns each decision into a simple question: does this person fit in the list we already agreed on?

The rest of this page follows that order: the number, the structure of the list, the rules, the tiers, and who is invited to which event. You can do the first pass in an evening, even before you have booked a venue.

Start with a number: venue capacity and budget per guest

Your target guest count comes from two limits, how many people a venue can hold and how much you want to spend per person, and you should settle both before you write a single name.

Venue capacity is a hard ceiling. When you tour or email venues, ask for the maximum seated capacity for a dinner, not just the standing capacity for a cocktail party, because the two numbers are often very different. Budget is the softer limit: catering, rentals, and favors all scale with headcount, so every guest you add has a cost you can estimate. Ask your caterer for a price per person and multiply it out for a few headcounts.

Pick a range rather than one number, for example “between 80 and 100,” and keep a working target inside it. Then split the target between the two of you and your families before anyone writes a name. A simple split, such as half for the couple’s own friends and half divided between the families, gives each side a share to work with instead of an open-ended wish list. The numbers here are only an example, and the right split depends on who is paying and who is coming.

One line per person, grouped by household

List every guest on their own line, and group the lines by household, so that you can count people and invitations separately.

A household is the people who share an address and will receive one invitation: a couple, a family with kids, a roommate pair. Counting by household tells you how many invitations to order and address. Counting by person tells you how many chairs, meals, and favors you need. These two numbers are different, and you need both.

One line per person matters later. Meal choices, allergies, which events someone is invited to, and the table they sit at all belong to an individual, not to a household. If you write “the Carters (4)” on a single line, you will have to split it into four people later, usually at the busiest moment. Do it now while the names are fresh.

In MyWedding Planner, the guest list is built by household, with a category for each guest (family, friends, and so on) and an age group (adult or child). If your names already live in a spreadsheet, you can import it (an .xlsx or CSV file, or cells pasted straight from the sheet): the app recognizes the columns, groups people into households, and lets you check everything before it saves. The wedding planning spreadsheet guide shows how to keep a sheet in good shape if you prefer to start there.

The columns to collect from day one

The columns that hold up are the ones that answer a question you will certainly be asked later: who is this person, which household, whose side, what category, adult or child, which events, did they reply, what will they eat, and where do they sit.

You do not have to fill every column on the first pass. Names, household, and side are enough to start. But creating the columns early means you never have to go back through eighty rows to add something. The table below lists each column, an invented example, and the reason it earns its place.

Two columns deserve a note. “Side” records whether a guest belongs to partner 1, partner 2, or both of you, which helps you keep the two sides balanced against the split you agreed on. “Events invited to” is the column most couples forget, and it saves you the most trouble once you add a rehearsal dinner or a brunch.

Plus-ones and kids: one rule, kept

Choose one rule for plus-ones and one rule for children, write each down in a sentence, and apply them to everyone without exceptions you cannot explain.

For plus-ones, a common and easy-to-defend rule is to invite a guest’s partner if they are married, engaged, or living together, and to leave other plus-ones to your discretion. Another is to give a plus-one only to guests who will not know anyone else. Any of these works, as long as you can say it out loud in one breath. If you are stretched on numbers, remember that every plus-one counts as a full guest in your headcount, so decide whether they are in your target before you promise them.

For kids, the main choice is between inviting all children, inviting only the children of family, and having an adults-only wedding. Whatever you pick, say so plainly on the wedding website, and expect a few polite questions. A rule that has an obvious edge, such as “children of the immediate family, plus the kids in the wedding party,” is easier to hold than a vague one.

• Write the plus-one rule and the kids rule at the top of your sheet.
• When someone asks for an exception, check it against the rule and the number before you answer.
• If you make an exception, ask whether you would make the same one for the next person who asks.
• Mark the age group (adult or child) for every guest, so your counts and meals are right.

Tiers: the A list and the B list, and the timing risk

A tiered list splits your guests into an A list you invite first and a B list you invite as A-list replies come in, and its main risk is timing.

Here is how it works. You invite your A list first, with a reply-by date. As declines come in, you open spots and send invitations to B-list guests until you reach your target. It lets you start with a list that is larger than your venue without having to cut anyone outright.

The risk is that a B-list invitation arrives late. If your reply-by date is close to the wedding, a B-list guest gets very short notice, and it may be obvious that they were not in the first round. To limit this, send A-list invitations earlier than you otherwise would, set a reply-by date well ahead of your caterer’s deadline, and send B-list invitations in one batch as soon as you can. Do not tier close friends or immediate family, and do not let two guests who are close to each other end up in different tiers.

Who is invited to what: ceremony, cocktail hour, reception, rehearsal dinner, brunch

Not every guest has to be invited to every event, so record for each person which events they are invited to.

In a typical US wedding weekend, the events can include the ceremony, the cocktail hour, the reception, a rehearsal dinner the night before, and a day-after brunch. The rehearsal dinner is usually a separate, smaller event, often for the wedding party, immediate family, and people who traveled far. Some couples invite coworkers to the ceremony and reception only, and keep the brunch for family and close friends. Others invite everyone to everything. Both are fine, as long as you decide on purpose.

This is also where coworkers get sorted. A useful way to decide is to ask whether you would invite the whole team, or at least the whole close group, so that no one feels singled out. If you can’t invite everyone, a consistent line, such as “only coworkers we see outside of work,” is easier to defend than a hand-picked few.

In MyWedding Planner, each guest is invited to specific key moments only (the ceremony, the cocktail hour, the dinner, the day after, and so on), so you tick which ones apply to each person. That keeps your counts honest: the number of people at the ceremony and the number at dinner are no longer the same number you guess at.

Three statuses that prevent gaps: to invite, invited, replied

Give every guest one of three statuses, to invite, invited, or replied, and you will always know what is left to do.

“To invite” means the person is on the list but nothing has gone out. “Invited” means you have sent the invitation or the link and are waiting. “Replied” means you have their answer, yes or no. Three statuses are enough. More than that, and you will stop updating them.

The value is in the middle status. Once someone is “invited,” you have a date by which you expect an answer, and you know whom to nudge. The app does not send anything to your guests, so following up is yours to do: a text or a call to the people still in the “invited” group a couple of weeks before your reply-by date is usually enough.

What the list feeds afterwards: RSVPs, meals, seating

A well-built guest list feeds three later jobs: collecting RSVPs, counting meals, and building the seating chart.

When guests reply on your published wedding website, by person or by household, they can also choose a meal, and those answers fill your guest list, your meals, and your seating chart. Online replies are part of the one-time payment, because publishing the site is. During the free trial, with no card, you can prepare the site but not publish it. If someone replies by phone or text, you enter the answer yourself, and you can see who has not replied.

That is why one line per person and the right columns pay off. A caterer will ask for a count by entrée and a list of allergies, and your venue will ask for a final number. The seating chart for your caterer guide shows what to hand over. If divorced or separated parents are part of your list, read seating divorced parents at a wedding before you build the tables. And to place this task among the others, use the wedding planning checklist.

With the free trial, you can enter up to 10 guests to see how the household list, categories, and key moments work before you commit. The one-time payment of €69 removes that limit and includes publishing your wedding website.