Wedding day jobs for friends and family: what to hand off and how to brief each person

The short answer: one owner, one moment, one brief

A job is ready to hand off when it has a clear start, a clear end, and exactly one person responsible for it.

"Help with the flowers" fails that test, because nobody knows when it begins or who decides. "Take the ceremony arrangements from the florist's van to the aisle and ask me only if something is missing" passes it. The difference is a handoff: a named person, a moment in the day, and one piece of information they need (a phone number, a list, a time).

So the method has three steps. Choose the jobs that would otherwise land on you. Match each to one person. Write each person a brief short enough to read on a phone in the car. Then pick a point person for everything that does not fit a job, which is the next section.

If you are planning without a day-of coordinator, this list is the closest thing to one. For the wider picture, see how to plan a wedding without a planner.

Choose a point person before you choose any other job

The point person is the one friend or relative who holds the vendor contacts and the day-of timeline and answers every question that is not already someone's job.

It should not be either of you, because the point of the day is that you are not the person who gets asked where the extra chairs are. It is also a poor fit for a parent or a member of the wedding party, since both groups have a place to be at the moments when questions pile up: the processional, the toasts, the photos.

Good candidates are calm, reachable, and comfortable saying "I'll find out" instead of guessing. A close friend who is not in the wedding party, an aunt who likes logistics, or a sibling's partner can fit. Ask them early, because they need to read the whole timeline, not just their part.

• Give them the vendor list with a cell number for each person who will be on site, not just the company line.
• Give them the same timeline the vendors have, so there is only one version of the day.
• Tell the vendors and the other helpers who the point person is, in writing, before the day.
• Agree on what is theirs to decide (moving a chair, handing a vendor a bottle of water) and what they bring to you only if it is serious.

In MyWedding Planner, the vendor record holds a status (contacted, quote received, confirmed, declined) and attached documents, and the day-of timeline holds the schedule, the key moments, and who does what. You hand the point person what they need yourself. The app does not message anyone for you.

Jobs before the ceremony: arrivals, setup, and rides

Before the ceremony, the jobs worth delegating are the ones where a vendor or a guest arrives and nobody on site knows what to do with them.

Vendor arrivals come first. Someone has to meet the florist, the rental truck, and the cake, show them where to unload, and sign for what arrives. That person needs each vendor's name, their cell number, and a note on where they park. Without those three things, they end up calling you.

Decor that has to be set by hand is the second. Hand it to one or two people who like making things look right, and give them a photo of how it should look, a list of what is in each box, and the place each item goes. If the venue sets some of it, say which parts, so nobody redoes the venue's work.

The third is guests who need a ride, whether from a hotel, a parking area, or a relative's house. Give the driver a short list of names, the pickup spot, and the drop-off address. A relative with a car who knows the area beats a friend who must follow a map.

Jobs during the ceremony and reception: guiding, gifts, pacing, and kids

During the ceremony and reception, the jobs worth delegating are the ones that keep guests moving, keep things safe, and keep the schedule honest.

Guiding guests is the most visible. A few friends or cousins who are not in the processional can point people to seats at the ceremony and, once the room opens, to their tables. Give them the seating chart, printed, and the order the tables will be released. If you built the chart in the app, you can print it, and you can add a guest list in alphabetical order with each guest's table, which is the page an usher actually uses.

Gifts and cards need an owner too. Choose a relative who prefers quiet jobs, and give them a box or bag for cards, a safe place to keep it during the evening, and the name of the person who takes it home. Nobody should be guessing at the end of the night where the envelopes went.

Keeping the timeline moving is a job in itself. It suits a friend with a clear voice who is not afraid to nudge a DJ or a caterer. Give them the printed timeline and the names of the vendors they can ask, and say plainly that their job is to tell people it is time, not to change the plan.

Children need a trusted adult who is not their parent, at least for part of the day. Give that person the parents' names, any allergies, a place for the children to sit, and a plan for when the quiet activities come out. If the caterer is counting the children, the final headcount for your caterer should already include them.

Gathering family for photos is worth its own owner. Pick someone who knows both families, and give them the shot list as names, in the order the photographer wants them, so nobody wanders off before their turn.

Jobs at the end of the night and the morning after

At the end of the night, the jobs are about carrying things home and closing things out, and they go to people who are staying until the last song.

One person gathers your personal items: the cards, the guest book, the top of the cake if you are keeping it, the gifts you want to see again. Give them labeled bags and the name of who drives them. Another owns decor you want back and anything borrowed. If you have final envelopes for vendors, hand them to one named person with a list of who gets which, and let the vendor know who that is.

The morning after has its own owner, ideally someone who lives close or is staying nearby. Rentals have to go back, leftover decor has to be collected, and the venue may ask for a final walk-through. Give that person the rental list, the return address, and the contact at the venue.

If you are also working through the last stretch of planning, the one month checklist shows where these handoffs sit among the other tasks.

Who to ask and who to spare

Match the job to the person's temperament and to where they need to be, and ask in a way that lets them say no.

Spare the wedding party jobs that collide with their moments: someone walking in the processional cannot also greet vendors, and a best man giving a toast should not be holding the cue list. Spare parents anything that needs them to leave the room, since they will be pulled into photos, greetings, and family moments. Spare yourselves everything.

Ask people who have offered. "Let me know how I can help" is an invitation, and a specific request is easier to accept than an open one. "Would you take charge of the gift table for the evening? You would sit near the entrance, and I will leave you a note" is better than "could you help out?" Keep the ask short, say when it starts and ends, and tell them it is fine to decline.

Guests are not staff. A friend who is also an attendee should have a job that leaves room to eat, dance, and hear the toasts. If a job would keep them away from the party the whole night, split it between two people or hire help for it. If the load still feels heavy, when planning feels like too much covers what to cut before you ask people for more.

What to put in each helper's brief

A helper's brief is five lines: their job, where and when, who to call, what done looks like, and who takes over after.

Write it yourself, in your own words, and keep it to a single screen. Send it by message or print it, and tell the helper to save it. A brief that is too long will not be read on the day.

• Their job in one line, starting with a verb.
• Where they need to be and at which moment of the day.
• The one person to call, with a cell number, and the point person as backup.
• What done looks like, so they know when they are free.
• Who takes over after, so they can hand things off and go enjoy the party.

MyWedding Planner has assignment sheets for the relatives and friends who help on the day. The day-of timeline holds the schedule, the key moments, and who does what, so the brief you hand each helper matches the plan the vendors have. For a timeline you can adapt, see a timeline for a 4pm ceremony, and for a smaller day, a micro wedding checklist.